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     I have been seeing Miss Jennifer for Spank Therapy now for 4 years. It has been an eye opening journey of self growth and self enlightenment. Anyone that needs or uses spanking as a therapeutic outlet has experienced that high like feeling and " I can do anything" emotional response. But what makes some people crave or requisite the affects of such a therapy. Figuring this out and accepting this about myself both started and fueled my spanking therapy expedition.

     Personally, I did not wake up one morning and say to myself "I want a beating". Instead, I always had a curious facination about spanking. I was spanked a couple times as a child and got zero satisfaction out of it. In fact I hated it, thought it was stupid, and became extremely eloquent at pleading my case and in actuality good at escaping the paddle. But somewhere along the line, my mind kept wandering back to thoughts of spanking. It wasn't as a "turn on" so to speak, but just as a belief that if I were with my "real mom", this is how she would be. She would be strong, she would successful, she would be fun and loving, but she would also have a no nonsense approach to life. I found comfort in these thoughts and sometimes caught myself daydreaming of how my life would of been different. I wouldn't feel awkward or not good enough, and I would be held accountable but loved and safe too. Well admittedly, I have mommy issues, but that's not what I'm writing about. So long story short I felt ashamed and embarrassed for my needs and wants in reference to spanking. So I just didn't think about it, or at least I tried not to, but yes the thoughts were always there and I always was left feeling empty.

     Lets jump ahead 15- 20 years, I had 3 daughters, 1 step- daughter, and a husband. I was in a job I loved, but one that could be stressful and hectic. I felt out of control every second of every day. My mind we always racing, my legs always bouncing. I literally never turned off. It was exhausting. I did however discover, that certain pain stimulus almost felt good..not during but after, I felt a slight amount of calm.. I was intrigued. I had found out that if I got belly pierced or a tattoo, that once the pain subsided my mind felt a little quieter, and I didn't feel need to run until I collapsed.

     One day I remembered that movie with John Ritter, Problem Child. Well there is a scene where the little boy, aka problem child, was being spanked as therapy to get him to be a good boy. Anyway, I thought wouldn't that be neat if it were real thing. Well I started googling and googling till one day I happened across Miss Jennifer. And it was like the gates of heaven opening up. I just knew deep in my soul this was what would make my life better.
Ironically, I didn't even realize the benefits I would soon be experiencing. 

     Once I was accepted I thought this will be a cool experience, but still I couldn't understand the what and the why I had been searching for. I thought I would get spanked here and there and I might like it. Well I found out very quickly that I wasn't receiving a fun but slightly stinging spanking, but rather a strict , your behavior is out of control, coming to Jesus spanking. Now the discipline part is not the point, but instead the feelings I experienced during and after.
     Obviously during the spanking, it freaking hurt. But the more it hurt, the more I had to focus on the feelings I felt. I'm not referring to the normal feelings of shame, or feelings of regret, that one experiences from being bad, and being punished. But more importantly, that feeling of complete submission, acceptance of what's happening, and the feeling you get when you just can't take anymore..but the person you trust, in some cases more than yourself, keeps pushing on because they know you can and will take it. And then eventually, wanting to take it because you care so much for person spanking you, you want it out of respect and knowing they wouldn't be spanking you if you didn't truly need it, deserve it, or because they care enough to give it to you. Once I reached that thinking and understanding of both myself and Miss Jennifer, it was like winning the lottery, or surviving a plane crash. I felt so complete and for the very first time, my mind was quiet, my body not moving.

     I honestly couldn't believe it, and it was wasn't a two hour fix like a piercing or tattoo. It lasted days, sometimes weeks. Now I dont experience this phenomenon every single session. It takes work, I have to truly understand why I'm being spanked ( if not just to be pushed but because I messed up), I have to completely accept and submit. For some people that may not even be an issue, however, I'm complicated..I do every thing the hard way. So I have to work at it. But in the end, it is totally worth it.

     I'm very thankful I found someone so real and trustworthy to experience my spank therapy journey with. It's made my life better, and it gives me the calm and quiet I so desperately need.  And as a bonus, I got the mom I wanted too🤗.

Written by Jackie

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