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Choosing a Disciplinarian

First off, I want to thank HotCheeks and Joe for all their help writing this report.  They provided much insight into aspects I wouldn’t have thought.  Their help is greatly appreciated.



We all have our reasons for seeking out a Professional Disciplinarian.  For some it is desire or love of being punished.  For others, their lives are out of control and they are engaging in dangerous activities.  Due to their personal/professional life, other may seek the cathartic release from a spanking.  Regardless of why we are looking for a Professional Disciplinarian, there are many aspects we must consider.


Contrary to what society may want you to believe, corporal punishment is not brutality.  Corporal punishment is merely striking another person (generally on the buttocks) with open hand or some implement.  This is meant to cause some pain to encourage change in that person’s behavior.  Corporal punishment is done out of love and caring for the other person.


Brutality is a savage act of physical violence.   It is done due to the Neanderthal mentality that might make right.  Some may say it is to prevent future acts but more often than not, it is done out of revenge, hatred, and irreverence toward society and humanity.


What is a Disciplinarian / Life Coach / Therapist?

  • A disciplinarian is an authority figure.  A person who is strict and will not hesitate to dole out punishment for bad behavior.  

  • A life coach helps others make decisions, reach goals, deal with problems, and encourage life changes

  • A therapist is a person trained in the treatment or rehabilitation of sick, wounded or helping patients overcome physical or psychological problems.  They will have a license or certification.


Before you begin searching, you need to ask yourself a few questions:

  • Why do you want to see a disciplinarian?

    • Are you seeking change in your life, cathartic release, or just spanking?  Is there anything else you want?  When you contact a disciplinarian, make sure you know and clearly state what you are looking for. 

  • What do you want out of your sessions?

    • A true disciplinarian will not allow you to dictate how your sessions will go.  Know what your need or want to make sure you are a good fit.  If, for say, you want nothing to do with spanking, but you want the strictness and accountability a professional disciplinarian can bring.  Talk to her so she knows as this may be an option.  Do not try to be brave and think you can handle something you are not prepared for.

  • Is a Disciplinarian right for you?

    • Look at the services offered.  If you are looking for more than what a disciplinarian provides, a mistress may be a better choice for you.


Read and analyze their website. 

  • You can learn a lot about a person from reading their website.  By providing more information about themselves, not just spanking related, but also their hobbies and what they enjoy doing can make them seem more like a friend. This can not only make your sessions more enjoyable but also make you more driven to do what they say and not disappoint them.

  • Also look at how they write.  If they have more of a fact based no-nonsense writing style, that is most likely the type of person they are.  This will allow you to judge if they are a natural disciplinarian or pretender.

  • A neatly designed webpage is a sign of an organized person.

  • Do they talk mostly about themselves?  Do they talk about helping others?  If they truly care about helping you this will be mentioned repeatedly.   

  • Does the layout of their website look similar to others?  Does it appear as though the copied a lot of text from other sites.  This is a clear sign they have no creativity or imagination.  How are they going to help you if they can’t think for themselves!


Read and analyze their testimonials.  Most sites provide many testimonials.  But you never know what is real and what isn’t.

  • We all have our own writing styles and differing vocabularies.  Compare the writing style, grammar, and vocabulary between testimonials.  If these were written by one or a few people, they would sound similar.

  • Pay attention to what is being said.  These can provide more insight to how good this particular disciplinarian is and how real she is.

  • Do the testimonials seem like you read them before?  Do you remember reading them on another website?  Pay attention to what you are reading.  Remember, this is for your safety and well-being.


Photos – Here, you will need to determine what is most appropriate for you.  If she doesn’t care about herself, especially with the photos, how will she care about you?

  • You will never know for sure the photos are real until you meet face to face, so trust they are but pay attention to what they show.  Everyone has their own style, whether that be clothes, tattoos, piercings, ….  But the photos will also give you an idea of age and lifestyle.  So, Look.

  • Even if you can’t see her face, you should be able to get an idea of her age.

  • If she dresses nicely, she cares about her appearance.

  • Dressing is costumes may be a sign of roleplay.  But is also may be a sign of being fake.

  • If you like them or not, do you see tattoos or piercings?  This will also show you what type of person they are.  They may be very old fashioned and conservative which may be good to help you reach your goals.


What services does she offer?

  • Remember what a disciplinarian is.  Now look at the services offered.  If there are services offered outside of being a disciplinarian than this person is not a natural disciplinarian.  They are claiming to be one and offering a lot more on top of it to make a living.

  • Being a disciplinarian has nothing to do with Sigmund Freud and his mother.  A disciplinarian is a person of authority helping you make the changes you desire.  The need to be a respected person.  While people are free to engage in the activities they enjoy, would you respect the person performing the activities they list?  That decision is yours. 



  • If you are seeing a unique lengthy application, it most likely came from someone who put a lot of thought into it.  The more information requested is a sign how much they care.  They are trying to learn about you so they can help you and provide you the best possible experience.

  • A person who doesn’t care will only ask basic questions about what you have done and what she can do.

  • A good disciplinarian wants to know why.


Phone / In person interview

  • You should always have the opportunity for an interview.  Remember this interview is a 2-way street.  A perfect time for you to learn more about the disciplinarian.

  • But pay attention to how she sounds.  Is she no-nonsense?  Does she really pay attention to what you say?  Does she speak the same way she writes?  Does she seem to care and treat you with respect?

  • You should also have the opportunity to ask her questions too, just be certain you are not asking questions already answered on her website.

  • Everything said here can tell you about the person you are going to see.  Then you need to decide if that person is right for you.


Your family/relationship situation will play a big role in your choice.

  • Do you want the same sex spanking you?  Remember, your bottom may be bared for the spanking too.

  • Does your partner know or is this something you need to hide?

  • If you are trying to make life changes, your partner should be helping you.  If they care about you, they would be supportive.  Will the disciplinarian communicate with your partner as well, if you prefer?

  • If you have children, will she be available if you ask for advice?



  • This should be a must on both sides.




Personal / Emotional connection

  • It is hard to open up with a stranger.  After all, they don’t know you so why should you think they care.  But also, if you don’t care about them will you care if you disappoint them?

  • You should be striving to change for yourself, but developing a relationship where you truly care about each other greatly increases your chances for success and overall happiness.

  • Based on all you have read, emails, phone calls, forums, what sense about her do you get? Do you trust her, does she seem honest?  Has she shown the ability to be kind, caring, and compassionate when you need it?  Likewise, will she be firm and strict enough to control and motivate you?   Would you fear upsetting and disappointing her along with the forthcoming punishment?  Do you see her as intelligent and would you accept her decisions? Does she act professionally?  If she is right for you, the answer to each of these should be yes!


Does she set good example? Remember, a good leader leads by example.

  • How can you respect a disciplinarian providing diet / exercise advice that is grossly overweight?

  • How can you a disciplinarian be believable when she tells you smoking or drinking is dangerous when she does it too?

  • We all make mistakes, even our disciplinarians.  But if you are going to respect their decisions, they must act the same ways they are asking you too.  If they provide information about their upbringing, this can give you clues about their expectations and how they act.


How are you treated?

  • Once again, everyone has their interest and I will not criticize someone because they enjoy this.  Just because you are seeing a disciplinarian does not mean you are submissive.

  • Just because she is a disciplinarian does not mean she is better than you. 

  • Unless that is what you are asking for, do not allow anyone to treat you like crap.

  • If she has a forum or blog, be wary if you see her disrespecting others or allowing others to disrespect the community.  It is a clear sign of her true feelings toward her boys and girls. 


Will she respect your desires?

  • If you are to change, you have to want to and be ready to.  If you tell her you are not ready to make a specific change, will she respect your decision?

  • Does she act as though she will force you to change whether you like it or not?

  • If there are certain things you want nothing to do with, will she respect that?

  • These are all signs as to the type of person she is.  Don’t settle.



Will she treat you as an individual?

  • All of us are individuals.  We are different ages and at varying maturity levels.  We have different education levels.  We grew up in various parts of the world and were raised differently with different values.  Some of us have a family and some not.

  • We are different and should be treated differently. 

  • If you see any sign she doesn’t, that shows a lack of understanding and versatility.  This will cause problems.  Maybe not right away, but there will be problems.


When you read their website, what do you see?  Does it appear as though everything is for sale?  This is a clear sign all they care about is money and what you can do for them.  It isn’t about helping you.


A good disciplinarian is selective.  They will have long applications.  That is how they get to know you and select those their time is best suited for.  They are selective for a reason, they are very good at what they do.  Everyone knows it and wants to see them.


In the end, you are the only person that can make this decision.  You know what will be most effective for you.  You now the most important factors.  No one is going to be perfect.  Do your research.  When you find the disciplinarian that is right for you, you’ll know it.

Written by Paul

Assisted by HotCheeks and Joe

Thank You guys for helping me write this!

Miss Jen

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